How I Became The Wiggy Woman

 I believe in fake hair for real women, and I think you should to!  You might be wondering if alternative hair is right for you.  For me, when I first started on my hair journey I wasn't quite sure if wigs were right for me... but what I was sure of, my real hair was not!  I've always loved beautiful hair.  It's something I've adored and dreamed of having for decades.  While I haven't always struggled with hair loss, I have not always had great luck with the texture, color, and health of my natural hair.  Whether it was a stressful job or genetics I'll never know, but my hair went gray in my 20s.  In your youth you are supposed to be in the prime of your beauty and I felt like I was starting off on the wrong foot already.   I always looked older than I should, and my confidence surely suffered.  In the beginning, I thought the best way to overcome this was to bleach all my hair.  In California blonde hair is almost a pre-requisite so who was I to stand in the way of fate.  Unfortunately, no one told my hair my zip code because dying my dark Irish locks bleach blonde came at a cost.  Not just financial, but it destroyed the health of my hair.    

I feel like I have tried everything.  I put hair extensions in for my wedding and even then my hair was barely thick enough to cover the tracks.  On my honeymoon we swam in the ocean, the pool, and sat for hours on a sandy beach.  You can imagine how gnarly those extensions were after just a few days (I think they were growing barnacles) but I couldn't just pop them off.  They were literally sewn into my head.  They itched, my hair was long and took forever to dry or style when we wanted to clean up for a nice dinner.  Instead of a day at the spa, I spent my day searching for a salon on the island who could safely remove my tracks without ripping all my hair out.  Perhaps if I had just ripped it all out I'd have transitioned to wigs sooner and had way more good hair days.   Later, I was blessed with the gift of motherhood.  As a mom, you sacrifice so much for your children.  I knew they'd take my sleep, my patience, and my body for 9.5 months.... or so I thought.  What I didn't realize was that the hormone changes that come with pregnancy and childbirth would really wreak havoc on my hair.  When my first child was born, my hair fell out in clumps.  This photo is the amount of hair I lost in one shower, and my kiddo was 5 months old.  

If only I had known about human hair wigs back then, I could have made an entire wig from just hair lost before my kiddo's first birthday.  While some of my hair came back once my hormones stabilized, it was nothing like my hair before.  It was sort of like how you gain all that baby weight and only about 8 lbs of it is the actual baby.  The other 40 lbs is all yours now.  By the time my second kiddo came around my hair was already thinning and of course it was still gray.  Being a California mom it would be complete sacrilege for me to do anything that wasn't super "crunchy" so I didn't even dye my hair the entire pregnancy.  You can imagine how I looked in those delivery room photos with 9 months of gray hair regrowing.  Perhaps it was better that it was so thin - there was a lot less of it!  I ended up hitting it with like a pound of bronzer before taking photos so it would be passable!  

Like the baby weight, the thinning piled on again.  Another round of hair loss where only about 20% of it grew back.  By the time I was done with pregnancy #2 my hair volume was maybe 50% of what it was before I had kids.  After that, I really just stopped wearing my hair down unless I had some kind of alternative hair on board.  My hair extensions would be all over the room which would always creep my husband out.  They were as necessary to me as a good bra.  If I didn't have extensions in, I had my hair up in a bun with one of those thick bun scrunchies to help it look like I had something growing out of my head, or a scrunchie made of synthetic hair.  Psych!  Not my hair!    

The first time I went to a wig store, it was before a big party for my husband's work.  I did NOT know what I was doing.  I didn't know how to secure it, or what a good wig was.  I just went into a wig store and said - fix this mess, and they gave me a different kind of mess!  I wasn't knowledgeable about what a good wig was, what to look for, or what to avoid.  Instead, I relied on the knowledge of a sales clerk but felt that I was poorly advised.  I walked out of there with a very inexpensive basic cap synthetic wig and some detangler.  I didn't know how to style it, how to blend the hairline, and how to keep it looking like a literal rats nest.  I thought at the time that even the worst wig was better than my best hair, so the night of the gala I put my hair in a bun and plopped that wig on my head.  My husband gave me that look of, please don't do this to me.. but you're going to do it so I'm not saying anything... and then said "nice hair."  I was thrilled he noticed my hair - but something told me it wasn't for the right reasons.  It was my first time out of the house in a wig.  I hadn't tried it out at the grocery store, I wore it to a black tie gala full of important contacts for my husband.  What a mistake!  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was in the bathroom every 3 minutes fixing it, or moving it back to the correct hair line - I couldn't take it off, because my hair underneath was a literal rats nest.  I was in too deep and I had to commit to it.  When it came time to take photos, I made sure it looked as good as it was going to get... which... was not very good at all.  But, even the worst wig still looked better than my own hair.  One thing I wasn't ready for - was how to answer the question "is your hair different?."  That was people's way of saying, politely... there's no way that's your hair.  Even though I tried to find a piece that was similar to my hair, it wasn't thin or gray, so it obviously wasn't mine.  The difference between then and now, is that I was not confident in how my wig looked that night.  I was self conscious, and worried about how my choice to wear alternative hair and wigs was going to be perceived by people who were important to me.  I just wasn't ready to really own it so I deflected.  Thank goodness the place had great table decor or I'd have nothing else to change the subject with.  That night really pumped the brakes on my alternative hair journey because it really was not a good experience.  I did it all wrong by not doing my research, choosing the right wig for me, trying it out in a more comfortable environment and working out the kinks before show time.  If only I had known ahead of time I could have prevented this negative experience that delayed me embracing the truly wonderful #WigLife.  

As time went by, I continued to struggle with my hair but remember - now I have 2 little kids!  My sleep was coveted and I certainly didn't want to trade an hour of it to style my hair.  In the prime of motherhood I got maybe 20 minutes to get ready for work, with a newborn mind you.  I did not have the ability to slave over a hair straightener.  Even if I did, I had hardly anything worth straightening.  Professionally, I am in a very visible position and it was always difficult for me to look the part.  I definitely didn't look my best and I was competing with men who probably take 2 minutes to comb their hair wet and it's dry by the time they finish their coffee.  The struggle was real.

The final straw was when I started a new job.  I wore my hair the exact same way for 3 months.  I would pull it into a super tight ponytail and roll it into one of those bun formers which are essentially sock buns that cost $9.99 at Claire's.  One day on the way back from a business trip I came across an airport kiosk selling all kinds of hair extensions.  One of them was so beautiful, it was this claw clip that was covered in synthetic hair to give you a faux ponytail.  I gleefully traded $20 for this magical hairclip and decided that it was time to "wear my hair down."  That first day at work, I was bombarded with compliments.  One person even said I should wear my hair down more often. My hair.  I mean, yeah it was my hair because I bought it right?  It was in that moment that I realized, alternative hair is MY HAIR!  

The next time I decided to get bold was when our office was closed for renovation and everyone was working from home.  It was only for a week, but, all of our meetings would be virtual and no one was going to see me in person.  I saw the opportunity and I took it.  No one had ever seen my hair down, and on a little Zoom square they'd never be able to really see my hairline with enough detail to know it was fake.  

So, I broke out that infamous cheap basic cap synthetic wig and dusted her off.  This time, I was armed with more knowledge of how to blend my own hairline in to give a natural look.  The compliments poured in again.  Everyone loved my hair.  Yes.  MY HAIR!  I was finally ready to take the plunge.  I invested in a high quality lace front human hair wig that was very similar to my natural bio hair.  She's still my favorite brunette piece to this day, Jon Renau Sienna in 8RN, Medium Brown.  It was much thicker of course, but I took comfort in the fact that none of these people had ever seen my real hair down.  This time, I thought about all the things that went wrong the first time and did my research.  I invested in a wig with a well built cap that had adjustable sizing and velvet ear tabs.  I purchased a velvet wig grip to secure my wig so well that even when a baby pulled or puked on it - my hair wasn't moving.  Yes.  MY HAIR!  

The next day was the start of a new era.  I walked into the office with my hair flowing, beautifully curled and styled, and ready to take on the world.  A new world.  The receptionist immediately said "your hair looks different!" and I said "That's because it is!"  Throughout the day, I would respond vaguely to people's compliments or comments about my hair.  They'd ask why was this the first time they'd seen it down?  I couldn't say because this is the first time I was really confident in my hair.  Instead, I said because I just never had the time to style it in the morning - which is technically true.  Eventually though, it was a lot to try to dodge the comments and the questions.  Finally, someone asked me how I manage to style my hair so well every single morning.  it was always well straightened and curled at the end, and for so much volume that must have taken forever.  I had hit a crossroads.  I could either try to come up with a way that I style my hair every single morning, while I was still nursing an infant, or I could just come clean.  My next move changed my life forever.  I looked at her and I said, honestly it takes me 20 minutes to get ready in the morning.  She looked at me like I was on another planet, and maybe I was.  I said, this is only my hair in the sense that I bought and paid for it.  Once a week I wash it and style it to my liking and then it sits politely on a wig stand until I'm ready to wear it.  It doesn't get slept on and messy in the mornings, and it doesn't get sweaty and gross because it's not actually absorbing any of the oils from my scalp like my bio-hair.  Instead, she stays perfectly styled all week.  On Sundays, when HBO puts out my fave shows, I style Sienna and sip a glass of wine preparing for the week.  It's become a bit of a routine now, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  

When I told her, she wasn't disappointed that my hair wasn't growing out of my head.  Instead, she was amazed.  She didn't even believe it was a wig at first.  I had to lift the lace front and show her the dirty little secret down below. Yes, my natural hairline.  That first time that I was open and honest about my hair, was also the first time that I was accepted by another person for my choice to enhance my beauty with alternative hair.  It was such a relief to not have to worry about how to deflect comments, or what kind of table decor was around to talk about.  I was free to just, be me.  After that I decided that I will tell just about anyone who comments on my hair that it's a wig.  My response is always "It's a Wig, isn't it fun?" and the response is generally, "yes it is!"  I'm so open about my wigs because I love the confidence I have found and am hopeful that others can find that confidence if #WigLife is something that can be helpful for them.  

And that brings me to today.  Accepting my hair loss, and my love of wigs has allowed me tremendous freedom to let my inside beauty shine without worrying about whether or not my lack of external beauty was distracting someone.  I only wish that someone had given me the tools to do this sooner.  The confidence in knowing that there is only good that can come from #WigLife and it is my personal mission to help anyone else who is considering this journey to take the plunge.  Thanks for reading my story, and I'd love to read yours too!  Leave me a note in the comments and let me know where you are at in your alternative hair journey!